“I hate this feeling. When will it end? I’m so tired of this fight. Like a battle we just keep losing. The harder we fight, the farther we fall. Do I really have to get back up and do this all over again?”
Those are the words written in my journal two year’s ago, after our first failed Fertilty treatment. Swipe for picture of me at my first IUI (wearing the same sweater ironically ????). Every month that went by began with hope and ended with a negative pregnancy test and a deep sense of failure and sadness. I’m brought to tears at the thought it.
Here I sit, two years later, with my little miracle baby, pondering how life can go so fast and how quickly things can change. Trials are always temporary.
Being a mom is a heavy responsibility and surely more stressful than I had ever imagined. I am needed 24/7. I am my sons source of food, his comfortable place to fall asleep, his safe space and his protector. There are still many nights that I don’t get sleep, yet still have to wake up in the morning and be present with him.
Though my hair may be grayer, and my wrinkles may be deeper, my eye bags and boobs hang a little lower (yep, I said it); I wouldn’t change it for one second. Because I remember the stress of infertility and that kind of heart-break can never measure up against the stress of being a mom. I may not say this often enough but I will never forget the struggles it took to get here. I will forever cherish the fact that I get to raise this precious boy. Every day is a miracle.
Photos & words: @e_e_rocha